


From memory

by yukitsubute



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5402267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukitsubute/pseuds/yukitsubute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when there comes the day you don’t remember your life? When everything you built up is gone, because you don’t know that this is yours?</p>
            </blockquote>





	From memory

What happens when there comes the day you don’t remember your life? When everything you built up is gone, because you don’t know that this is yours?

“He’s waking up, he’s waking up!” Jun hears someone screaming. Jun opens his eyes. He blinks because of the sudden light around him. He hears a beebing sound next to his bed. He grunts when he tries to sit up in his bed.

“Please, lie down again.” A man pushes him softly back. “You shouldn’t move till the doctor gets here.”

“Where am I?” Jun asks.

“In hospital,” the man on the chair next to his bed says. “Can you remember what happened?”

Jun shakes his head. He looks up when a doctor comes into the room. He steps next to Jun’s bed. “Do you know what today is?”

Jun stares at him. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, you’ve slept for a longer time.”

“Doctor?” Jun interrupts.

“Yes?”

“Who am I? And who are these men here?” Jun asks. Everyone looks at him, shocked.

“Jun,” the man next to him says. Jun can guess that he is talking with him, but is his name really Jun? He doesn’t know. “You can’t remember anything?”

Jun looks at him. He has gentle eyes, but he also looks tired and exhausted. Was he here all the time? And who is the other man sitting next to him? “I am sorry,” Jun says.

The man rubs over his face. “It’s okay I guess. You memory will come back,” the man answers. His voice sounds sad. “Right, Doctor?”

“Let’s hope the best, but it seems like a temporarily amnesia. His memory should come back in between the next weeks.” the doctor only replies.

“Everything will be alright.” The man brushes over Jun’s forehead before he bends down and kisses his cheek.

Jun freezes. He doesn’t know the man who touches him here, and he feels nervous about it. He looks at him, and he knows the man realizes that he doesn’t like that. He seems to know him pretty well. “I am sorry, Jun,” he sighs. “I am Sho, and this is Aiba. We are your bandmates,” Sho says.

“Bandmates?” Jun asks. He tries to remember, but there is nothing but a dark emptiness in his mind. “I was…ah, sorry, am in a band?”

He can see Sho closing his eyes. Aiba sits there, just staring on his hands. Jun can see that he is important to these guys. “And there are the three of us in this band?”

“No,” Sho says. “There are also Nino and Ohno, but they’re bringing us something to eat. That’s why they aren’t here now.”

Jun nods. He looks at his friends. He tries to recognize something in their eyes, smile, behaviour, but there is nothing. They are like strangers for him.

“You are my friends?” he asks. Aiba and Sho nod at him. “And where is my family?” He wants to know.

“They’re working now, they come by this evening,” Sho answers. Jun looks at him. He has the feeling that Sho knows him pretty well.

“And where’s my wife, or girlfriend?” Jun wants to know. He can see Sho swallows. He looks down at Jun with a sad expression in his eyes.

“I have none?” Jun guesses.

“Not exactly,” Aiba starts, but he gets interrupted by Sho. “No, you don’t have one.”

Jun can see Aiba looking at Sho like there is something wrong, but they don’t say anything further. “I see,” Jun says. Jun decides to change the topic. “Are we at least famous?”

Aiba and Sho laugh. “We are in various TV shows, on posters, on concert tour and so on. So, yes, we are famous.” Aiba answers.

Jun nods at him. Aiba has a friendly smile, he thinks. He looks tired, but not as tired as this Sho-guy looks like. Aiba’s eyes seem to spread warmth in Jun, he doesn’t know how that’s possible and why he feels like this, but he could imagine that he once trusted that Aiba-guy.

Jun doesn’t know why he feels like this, but Sho has something cold, something unreachable in his behaviour. He can’t imagine that he was a close friend of Sho before he had this accident.

A short knock on the door brings Jun back from his thoughts. “Can we come in?” the guy in the door smiles friendly at Jun, but nevertheless he has the feeling that he had never seen him before. “Jun, you are awake,” the man chirps, but stops when he sees Sho and Aiba staring at him without being overly happy about it. “What’s the matter?” he wants to know.

Sho sighs. Jun can’t say what it is, but he doesn’t like the way Sho is acting here. “He is awake, but he can’t remember who he is or who we are.”

The guy comes closer to Jun’s bed. “You can’t?” Jun just shakes his head. He feels some tears burning in his eyes. Is he the type who cries easily or is he the cool, unaffected Jun? He doesn’t know. “I am Nino,” the man says, smiling at him. It makes a warm feeling spreading in Jun’s body. “And that’s Satoshi,” Nino points at the second guy who stands in the doorframe now.

Satoshi bows and the others just laugh about that. “What? You introduced me, and he doesn’t know who I am, so I need to bow to be polite,” Satoshi complains. Jun smiles. He likes those two guys, even though he has no idea if he ever liked them or if it’s a new feeling for him.

“And you really have no idea who you are?” Nino wants to know.

“No.” Jun shakes his head.

“So if I tell you that you are the Prince of Persia you would not know if that is true?” Nino asks further.

“Kazunari.” Sho says in a sharp tone.

Nino rolls his eyes. “Gosh. You are so humourless that’s unbelievable.”  
“He woke up one hour ago, don’t make such silly jokes in such an earnest situation,” Sho glances at Nino, who just stares back at Sho.

Both wince when they hear Jun laughing. “Somehow that’s really funny. Is it always like this when we are together?”

“Mostly,” Satoshi takes place on the seat next to Aiba. “But sometimes we have all the same opinion.”

“Yes, one time a year,” Aiba adds.

They all smile at each other, and even Sho smiles at his friends. Jun is confused about that. Weren’t they fighting one moment ago? And now everything is okay again? “We are like this. We are like family. We fight and one moment later everything’s forgotten,” Aiba says probably because of Jun’s questioning expression.

 

“I really don’t get it,” Jun rubs over his forehead. He could feel the bandage around his head. “And I feel a little tired. Maybe I should take a nap now,” he adds. It’s only half true that he wants to sleep now, but he feels so confused and overwhelmed, that he needs some time for his own.

“Yeah, of course, we’ll come to see you later on,” Aiba says. Jun can see him glancing at Sho, like he wants to tell him that he has to leave as well, telling him that Jun really doesn’t want anyone around now. It makes Jun feeling much more confused. What’s his relationship with this Sho? And why can’t he imagine being a celebrity? And who was he? How was he?

Everything starts spinning in Jun’s mind. The world around him gets blur. First he thinks he is going to faint, till he realizes that he is crying. He feels empty, left and alone, even though the guys were nice and they seemed to be his friends, he feels lonely. There is no one who understands his feeling right now, there is no one able to help him out of this. Would he ever remember about his life?

~~~

One week later Jun is able to leave the hospital. The sun shines on his face and let a small warm feeling crossing his body. Jun still feels empty, but the sun and the flowers, and the birds – it shows him that he is alive, and it makes his life worth living.

“We’ll take you to your apartment.” Aiba smiles at him.

Jun looks around. He has no idea where he is. He doesn’t recognize anything around him. It makes him sad. “Do I come here often?” he asks when they reach an area with a lot of restaurants, bars and shopping malls.

Aiba nods at him. “You don’t live far from here.” He pulls Jun along. “See that shop there?”

Jun follows the direction where Aiba’s hand points at. “Yes.”

“That’s your favourite restaurant,” Aiba explains.

Jun looks at the shop. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries, he doesn’t remember about that shop. He again feels his head spinning. He has so many questions, but he can’t ask them all at once – and he doesn’t know where to start. “Why did you pick me up alone today?” Jun finally asks.

Aiba sighs, too loud for Jun’s opinion. There he sees it for the first time. Aiba is worried. He doesn’t know if it’s because he is good in reading others feelings, or it’s because he knows Aiba, even though at the moment he doesn’t know him. “You know, we thought that it’s better you spend time with us separately – just for the beginning. We thought you may not feel too overwhelmed with just one of us.”

It definitely doesn’t make sense, but Jun also wants to see the others. He has the hope that something in his mind may just click and he turns to his old self. And he has the feeling that this can happen with his bandmates.

“And why did you start?” Jun asked. They walk now down the street to this little shop, where Aiba wants to buy some food for them.

“Two bowls of ramen – takeaway please,” Aiba says to the waiter before he turns to Jun again. “We were close before you had this accident. And we thought that maybe I can bring you some memories back. But I am not sure either if that will work.”

Bring back his memory? Jun smiles. “I hope it works.”

They carry the bags with food upstairs to an apartment on the 15th floor. The elevator is huge and Jun is amazed about the concierge in front of the building. “Gosh, who are we that we live like that?”

Aiba laughs. It’s a heart-warming laugh and for the first time Jun has the feeling that Aiba isn’t only worried about him. Jun can imagine that it was just like this between them before the accident. “Yes, and we are just singers, don’t imagine how Caesar lives.”

They walk into the apartment, both laughing. It’s just natural. Even though Jun has no idea who Aiba is, it just feels natural between them.

When they sit together and eat their ramen, Jun looks around. There are various pictures on his cupboard and wall - mainly with the guys from his band, and some with his sister and family. 

“What happened on that day of my accident?” Jun asks out of the blue.

Aiba looks at him with a mixture of sadness and anxiousness, like he already feared that question. “I can’t tell you exactly, because I was at home when it happened.”

Jun bows forward. “Please, tell me everything you know.”

Aiba blushes, Jun can clearly see his cheeks turning red. “Stop that Matsujun, you don’t need to be that polite.”

“Matsujun?” Jun looks up.

Aiba shakes his head, a smile curling around his lips. “Sorry, that’s how we sometimes call you.”

Jun tilts his head. “I don’t know what I said before my accident, but now I say that I don’t like it.”

Aiba grins. “Hey, you didn’t change that much.”

“And now, can I ask again to tell me what you know?” Jun’s voice gets lower.

Aiba pokes with his chopsticks in his ramen. He is nervous, Jun can see this, but in the end he starts talking. “You called me. It was in the middle of the night, and I was already sleeping. First I didn’t want to listen, because I was damn tired. It was after a concert here in Tokyo.” Aiba makes a break. He looks up from his ramen, directly into Jun’s eyes. “You were annoyed about something, but you said you’d tell me when you are here. Then I heard a crash and people screaming.” Aiba doesn’t say anything further.

Jun stares at Aiba, not because he waits for further information, but because he wants to remember about that call, but there is nothing. His mind is blank. “Why was I annoyed?” Jun wants to know.

Aiba shrugs his shoulders. “I have no idea. You didn’t tell me.” Aiba breathes out loud. “I am a bad friend,” he suddenly says.

Jun knits his eyebrows. “What?”

Aiba rubs over his head before he gives his answer. “I was pissed because you called me that late at night. And now I feel sorry about that.”

Jun has to smile. If it didn’t feel that strange, he’d have hugged Aiba. “Don’t be silly. That has nothing to do with the accident.” Jun leans forward to pat Aiba’s head. “And if I was on my way to your place, I am sure you would have opened the door for me.”

“Of course,” Aiba replies.

Jun pushes away some hair strands from Aiba’s face. “See. No need to feel guilty here.”

“Thanks,” Aiba sounds relieved.

A bubbly feeling appears in Jun’s belly, mixed with the feeling of throwing up and a sudden terrible headache. “Bathroom?” is the only thing, Jun can press out before heading up there. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, his head rests against the toilet seat. He feels like having a hangover.

In the living room he hears Aiba talking with the doctor on the phone. He smiles when he thinks about Aiba’s face when he headed to the toilet. He really seemed to be afraid about what happened with Jun here. Jun feels the bubbly feeling again, and again he feels his stomach dancing before he throws up again.

“I talked with the doctor,” Jun hears Aiba talking behind him. He has his eyes closed and just nods at Aiba. “He told me that that’s just normal, and maybe it’s a precursor.”

“Precursor?” Jun presses out.

“He thinks that this can be connected with your memory, and maybe you’ll soon remember about something.” Aiba steps closer. Jun shivers when he feels something cold in his neck. “It’ll cool you down a bit,” Aiba says. He sits next to Jun and caresses his back when Jun throws up again. It feels nice to have someone with him.

Something like a blizzard crosses his brain. There was a picture in his mind. A street. It was raining, he was walking down there, wet, without umbrella. Someone called him, but he hung up. Then he called Aiba.

Jun turns to Aiba and grasps his arm. “I remember something.” He tells Aiba about the pictures in his mind.

“Maybe it’s of the night of the accident,” Aiba muses.

“Probably. I try harder, but there is nothing else coming to my mind,” Jun sighs.

Aiba smiles at him friendly. “You shouldn’t force yourself to remember about everything in such a short time.”

“But it’s frustrating.”

“I know,” Aiba says. Now it’s his hand stroking away some of Jun’s hair from his forehead. “But I am sure everything will be alright again.”  
~~~

Jun grunts when he wakes up because of the sun tickling in his face. He grunts when he turns to look at the clock. 11am o’clock. He feels sore. He can’t remember when he fell asleep, but he is sure that he didn’t go to bed on his own. “Aiba?” he asks into the room, but there is no response.

Jun slips out of his bed and walks around in his apartment. When he first woke up in the hospital, he wanted to be alone, but now it feels awkward being alone. Jun knows that he is in his apartment, but he has no idea about the area he lives in and he has no idea what he is allowed to do.

He walks up to his fridge to drink some cold juice they bought yesterday. On there is a short note from Aiba:

Left for drama shooting. Nino will come by soon. You are pretty thin, but damn, carrying you around isn’t as easy as I thought :D :D :D. See ya later. Masaki.

Jun smiles about this. So Aiba really carried him to bed. And today he’d spend his day with Nino. He can’t imagine how that would be. Jun just hopes that it’s uncomplicated like it’s with Aiba.

Jun takes some of the dry plums out of the package in the kitchen. On there is in big, black letters AIBA written on. The other would forgive him for taking one (or a few more) of them. Jun takes a hold of the cupboard when a stinging pain crossed his mind. This time he doesn’t feel like throwing up, but a picture blobbed up in his mind.

“I already told you that these are mine. Stop stealing them,” Aiba whined.

“Don’t buy them, they are way too delicious,” Jun laughs, poking Aiba’s nose with one of the plums.

Jun angles for his phone to call Aiba. He knows the other is in the middle of a shooting, but maybe he’d answer the call. “Jun-pon, are you okay?” Aiba answers the call after the fifth ring.

“Jun-pon?” Jun sighs. Not another nickname, he thinks. “Na, it doesn’t matter now. Say, Masaki, did I steal your plums back then?”

“Don’t tell me you took some of them in the kitchen! They are mine,” Aiba sounds like he is pouting.

“Ah, how does this sound: I buy you some new ones?” Jun nibbles on his lips.

“That’s the least you can do. I think you already owe me ten packages of plums,” Aiba says. A short silence appears. “But hey, Jun, I am glad you remember.”

Jun smiles at that. So it wasn’t his imagination, it was a real memory. “Thanks,” he answers before he hangs up.

~~~

“I am here,” Jun hears a voice from the door. He slips to the corridor and looks at Nino, who removes his shoes.

“You have a key to my apartment?” Jun wants to know.

Nino nods at him. “Aiba gave it to me earlier. He wasn’t sure if you are asleep, so I just came in.”

It feels strange for Jun. It’s again someone he doesn’t know at all. And he already knows that Nino is a totally different type than Aiba is. He has no idea how it would work out between them.

“Aiba told me you had a kind of flashback and you remember some things?” Nino walks into the kitchen to take himself a bottle of orange juice.

“Yes, but only short memories and I can’t recognize anyone by now, and I don’t know who I am either,” Jun answers.

“Nah, just one step after the other.” Nino smiles. “So, what do you want to do today?”

Jun has no idea. He doesn’t even know where he is. “Going out for lunch would be nice,” he finally says.

Nino nods. “Okay. There is a certain restaurant we visit often all together. So maybe you want to go there?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Jun feels a little better when he sees Nino’s smile and his gentle eyes.

~~~

They sit in one of the rather big private rooms of this restaurant. Jun looks out of the window. There is a nice view over a part of the town. It’s a sunny day, and there are just some clouds wandering over the sky.

“Is this our favourite place?” Jun wants to know. He likes the dark violet walls and the expensive furniture around them.

“One of our favourite places, yes. We come here often to eat together. And that’s really a surprise, because I don’t go out very often,” Nino replies.

“You don’t?” Jun sounds surprised. “You don’t look like you’re someone who’s sitting at home all time.”

Nino laughs. “Oh gosh, you really need to remember soon, because you are the one who always scolds me for staying at home all time.”

“I do?” Jun tilts his head. He tries to think about his character, but he totally can’t remember about it.

“Yeah, you even cook for me when I forget to eat again.”

Jun knits his eyebrows. “It seems I don’t do that properly when I look at your figure.”

He smiles when he sees Nino’s slight annoyed expression. “I am not that thin,” Nino grumbles.

“No, of course not,” Jun mocks him, shaking his head.

When the waiter brings the food they ordered, Jun feels his headache coming up again. He leans his head on his hand and rubs his temples. “Headache?” Nino asks.

“Mhm,” Jun just says when he feels a picture popping up in his mind.

It’s him with a pinkish bento box. He hands it to Nino, a smile around his lips. He asks Nino to eat it, because he looks like he hasn’t eaten something in ages. Nino thanks him without looking up from his videogame.

“Is everything alright, Jun?” Nino asks, looking at Jun with a worried expression.

“Do I have a pink bento box I brought to you?” Jun asks.

“Hey, you remember? That’s cool,” Nino chirps.

Jun smiles at him. “And you played a videogame?”

“Nah, that’s probably the thing I do 360 days a year,” Nino laughs.

“Can I ask you something?” Jun leans against the backrest of his seat.

“Sure,” Nino sips on his tea and took a spoonful of his rice. “What do you want to know?”

Jun twists the chopstick between his fingers. “How am I?”

Nino looks up. “What do you mean?”

Jun rubs over his face. “I have no idea in what kind of relationships we all are, and how I act when I am with you, and what’s my character?”

“Wow, that are many difficult questions at once,” Nino answers. He put his chopsticks away and looks directly at Jun. “You are kind of our mother.”

“Mother? Is that something good?”

Nino giggles. “Yes, absolutely. You are the one who cares when someone feels bad. You once brought Ohno a box full of cupcakes just because he was lovesick. When Aiba got hospitalized you visited him every day. When I hurt my back, you were the one who always cared after concerts. You massaged me, you put the cream the doctor gave me on my back and you were just here for all of us.”

Jun breaths out, what Nino told him touches him deeply. And he is also relieved to hear such words. It seems he is a good person after all. Jun shakes his head.

“What?” Nino asks.

Jun looks up at him. “What’s with Sho? You leave him out.”

Nino freezes. Jun can see this in his movements, which stops right after he said the other one’s name. “You know, that’s something difficult, you should talk with him about it.”

This makes Jun curious. He already had the feeling that something between them was off. “How’s our relationship?”

“Between you and Sho?”

Jun nods. “Yes, and between the rest of us.”

Now Nino rubs over his face. He doesn’t seem to like this conversation, but Jun wants to know the truth, no matter what. “You, Ohno and I are good friends, we often eat together, Aiba is something different, because he is the one who comes to you with every problem he has, and probably you do the same. With Sho it’s complicated. You know, I would feel better if you ask him directly. I really don’t want to say something wrong.”

“So Sho and I were together, or still are?” Jun muses.

Nino breathes out, before he nods at Jun. “But don’t ask any further. You two are, let’s say, a little bit complicated.”

Jun sips on his juice. He really wants to know what Nino is talking about. He can understand that Nino doesn’t want to interfere in his relationship, but on the other side Jun wants to know what’s going on. So he was or is in a relationship with Sho. Something in him starts twitching. Was that the reason why he felt so strange in the hospital?

Already when Jun asked about having a girlfriend, he could see and feel that there was something between him and Sho. And maybe already there he wanted to provoke Sho with his question. He wonders about his actions, because they happened instinctively.

Jun shakes his head when his sight goes blurry again.

“Then go,” he remembers someone saying. “So you really don’t care?” It was Jun screaming back then. “No.” Sho said with a cold voice.

“A memory again?” Nino touches Jun shoulder just slightly.

“Yeah,” Jun looks up. “I think I had a fight with Sho before I left his apartment. I just can’t say if it was the day of my accident or not.”

“Maybe you should talk with him?” Nino suggests.

“You’re probably right,” Jun answers.

~~~

Jun knocks on the door. His heart beat faster when he stands there, alone, waiting for the other to open the door. Nino kindly brought him to Sho’s apartment and left with a lame excuse. Jun knows that Nino just doesn’t want to get involved into this relationship, he just doesn’t know exactly why.

“Jun?” Sho says when he opens the door. “Aren’t you out with Nino today?”

“Yes, but I remember some things and I want to talk with you about it,” Jun says. He slips through the door and places his shoes right next to it.

He can see that Sho feels awkward and probably he is also nervous. “The living room is right there,” Sho guides him through the apartment and brings him some coffee and water after they sat down in the living room.

Jun looks up at Sho directly. “Were we or are we together?”

When Sho smiles at him and a small laughter escapes his lips, Jun feels annoyed. He isn’t here to make any jokes. “What? Is that funny for you?”

Sho stops smiling almost immediately. “I am sorry. It’s just that this is just you. I am so glad to see that at least your character hasn’t changed, even though you can’t remember who you are.”

Jun now smiles too. “I was always like that?” 

“Straightforward, little stubborn, and a totally dominant character?” Sho says. “Yes, you always were like this.”

“And? What are we?” Jun asks again.

“To be honest…I don’t know,” Sho sighs.

“How can you not know?”

Sho shifts on the couch. Jun can see that he feels insecure and nervous. “We fought on the evening of your accident.”

“About what?” Jun wants to know.

He can see that Sho doesn’t want to answer that question. “We spoke about our future,” Sho starts.

“And it ended with you saying that you don’t care if I leave?” Jun interrupts him. Even though he doesn’t even know if he loved this guy, he can feel tears burning behind his eyes.

Sho nods silently. Jun scans him properly. He can see that Sho has his gaze lowered, but he can see Sho’s small eyes. He just guesses that he hadn’t slept much during the last weeks. And there is a sad glance in his eyes, like he gives himself the fault for everything.

Everything…Jun thinks. Again something in his head twitches painfully.

He walked out of the building, he crossed the first street. He was angry. No, he was furious. He was going to get some drinks now and then he’d head to Aiba’s place. His phone rang. It was Sho. He turned the call off. He searched for another number in his address book. “Aiba?” he said. The other was sleepy, probably because he woke him up. “Can I come by?” he asked. Aiba answered something, asking what had happened. Meanwhile he passed the second street, not looking at the red traffic light. He heard some people screaming, then he saw the car and he heard the noise of tires before everything turned black.

“The accident isn’t your fault, you know that, right?” Jun says. Even though Sho might have said something stupid and even if he ended their relationship right before the accident, it wasn’t his fault that Jun got into this.

“Sadly it feels like this,” Sho looks up, a sad smile around his lips.

“I have one last question: Did you really want me to leave back then?” Jun asks. He looks at Sho properly, like he wants to read his thoughts through his mimic and gesture.

“It was a silly fight – one of hundreds we had. It would be wrong to say that I wanted you to leave, but we went through so many ups and downs, I thought it would be better to make a cut.”

Jun stands up and heads to the door quickly. He doesn’t want the other to see his face. He breathes in deeply to prevent the tears for some more seconds. “Thanks for being honest,” he says when he leaves Sho’s apartment.

~~~

The cold air feels good on Jun’s skin. He calms down without starting to cry. He turns to look up to the apartment he left some moments ago. He broke up with someone he didn’t even know that he was together with. Jun feels sick. He searches for his feelings for Sho, but he still is a stranger to him. Jun just wonders why it hurts him so much, even though there was no feeling of love from his side – at least not now.

“Aiba, are you free to meet?” Jun calls his friend.

“I am sorry, I am still at a shooting, but call Ohno, he’s at the bay I think,” Aiba answers.

Jun hangs up. He sighs when he searches for Ohno’s number in his phone. “Ohno, are you free to meet up?”

“Sure, I am on my boat,” Ohno replies.

“Okay, stay there, I’ll be there in half an hour. Ah, say, where do I need to go?” Jun rubs over his head. Nino brought him here, but now he has no idea how to get to the bay.

Ohno laughs on the phone and tells him how to get to him.

~~~

Jun stops for a moment when he sees the sea in front of him. The air smells salty and some gulls flies next to some ships far at the horizon. Jun doesn’t need to search long for Ohno’s boat. He got a perfect description from the other.

He steps up to the boat and calls for Ohno, who comes up from the lower deck almost immediately. “Jun, come up,” Ohno guides him to the upper deck where a table and two chairs are placed.

“Where have you been today? Did you go out with Nino already?” Ohno wants to know.

“Yes, and I was at Sho’s place,” Jun answers.

Ohno nods, sipping at his beer, just a small “oh” escapes his lips. “What did he say?” Ohno asks after a short silence.

“He wanted to break up, and I think he did now,” Jun shrugs his shoulders.

Ohno stares at him. “Is he nuts?” he yells out. Jun had seen Ohno a few times after the accident, and he was always calm and like nothing can make him furious, but now he is aggravated, his lips are slightly shaking and his eyes sparkle. “Is he really going insane? This stupid,” Ohno starts, but Jun interrupts him immediately.

“He was just honest. I asked him to tell me the truth,” Jun says calmly.

“But you are…you had…” Ohno starts waving his hands, almost throwing the beer on the ground.

“It’s really not a big deal,” Jun says with a smile.

“It’s not a big deal because you can’t remember, Jun. It’s because you don’t know about your true feelings for this stupid guy,” Ohno answers.

Jun thinks about the others words. He thinks about the tears he had in his eyes when he left Sho’s apartment. It was just a small pain he felt, and he doesn’t want to imagine how it would have felt when he’d remembered about their relationship and feelings for each other.

Jun presses his fingers closer around the bottle of beer. His head was stinging. There were pictures of him as child, him joining Johnny’s, him at the debut concert. “Oh-chan,” he says.

The other looks at him in utter surprise. “You haven’t called me like that since the accident.”

“I think I got back a main part of my memory right now.”

~~~

“….And you really can remember everything until we debuted and nothing afterwards?” Aiba asks as they sat around the table in Jun’s apartment.

“Everything after this date is still gone.” Jun rubs his temples. He still has a slight headache, but there were no new memories during the last hours.

“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Aiba answers.

“I guess so,” Jun says absent-minded. “I think I’ll go to bed now,” he adds. It had been a long day for him, and he got back some of his old life, but now he feels empty and exhausted.

“Sure, shall I stay in the guest room?” Aiba smiles at him.

Jun wants to say that he isn’t a child anymore, and that he doesn’t need to be pampered, but he has to admit that it feels nice to have someone around. He still feels insecure alone in this still foreign apartment. “That’d be nice,” he answers.

~~~

“And you really think that we should try it again? You know what happened last time,” Jun had his hands crossed in front of his body. He was slightly shaking. It was a few years ago when he tried it for the first time with Sho. It ended in a mess, and now they were about to try it a second time, and he wasn’t sure if it really was a good idea.

“Yes. I am sure this time it’s different,” Sho nodded.

Months passed by and everything seemed to be alright between them, but then the first quarrels started, and they began having more and more. Jun felt strained and tensed when he was together with the other, while Sho got more silent towards him.

They fought for no reason and they didn’t find a way to speak out what they felt, because the other simply didn’t listen. It wasn’t just Sho’s fault because Jun also didn’t want to talk properly with him, and sometimes he wasn’t fair either.

But there was one moment, two days before the accident. “You know Jun, our fights are really exhausting sometimes.”

“I know,” Jun said, his head resting on Sho’s shoulder.

“But you are worth it,” Sho said with a smile before he kisses Jun.

You are worth it…

Jun wakes up, breathing heavily. He sweats. Jun slips out of his bed to get himself some water to drink. On the way back to the sleeping room he grasps his mobile and walks back to slip into his bed again.

He starts typing a message to Sho.

Are you still awake?

It doesn’t take long until he gets an answer from the other. 

Yeah. Can’t sleep.

jun types again. But you need to sleep more, you look terrible.

I have too many thoughts running through my brain now, I can’t sleep. Sho texts.

I can remember about us. I don’t want it to end. Jun has his finger right over the send button, but he isn’t sure if he should send it. It sounds cheesy and strange, not like Jun. With all the memories he got back till now, he is sure, that such messages are normally not him, but in the end it doesn’t matter. He wants Sho to know about him and his thoughts, so he presses the button.

Jun waits for the answer, but even half an hour later there is none. He is already dozing off again when his mobile vibrates.

It’s Sho calling him. His heart beats faster when he picks up the call. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” Sho’s voice sounds sleepy, but also sad. “You remember?”

“Yeah, seems so,” Jun nibbles on his lips. He suddenly feels like the fourteen year old teenager.

“I am amazed how fast you are able to remember the things,” Sho says. Jun knows that the other just doesn’t want to talk about them directly.

“The doctors said it’s just a temporarily amnesia. With every second I can get back my memory, they told me. And today I made a lot of things with you all, and I think that helped,” Jun starts talking.

Sho just listens at him talking about his dinner with Aiba, about his lunch with Nino, his boat trip with Ohno, but he leaves out the meeting with Sho. “And you visited me,” Sho finally says.

“Listen, I can remember about one scene a short time before the accident happened,” and then Jun tells him about his memory and again Sho just listens.

“I told the truth,” Sho starts. “I just think that you deserve something better, someone with whom you don’t fight with all the time. Someone like Aiba-chan.”

Jun laughs. “Oh come on, as if I have a chance to get Aiba. Nino would probably kill me almost immediately when I make a try like this. And in the end I think Aiba would kill me because I steal his plums all time.”

Jun hears Sho laughing. It makes him feeling better and something warm spreads in Jun’s chest. “So you just wanted me to leave because you thought that it would be better for me?”

“Yes,” he can hear Sho’s sigh.

“Do me a favour please,” Jun says.

“What’s that?”

“Let me decide what’s good for me, okay?”

“Really?” Sho asks.

“Yes, stupid,” Jun laughs. He doesn’t know how long they talked with each other, but it’s already late in the morning when Jun wakes up.

He can hear someone working in the kitchen and the nice smell of breakfast let him slipping out of his bed and after a short shower and changing his clothes he comes to the kitchen. “Wow, Aiba-chan, that looks awesome,” Jun says.

“Thanks,” Jun winces when he hears the voice from the living room.

“Sho?” Jun asks.

“Yeah, Aiba left early because he has some shootings, but he called me to come over,” Sho steps closer to the other.

 

“It’s nice to have you here,” Jun smiles. Okay, that doesn’t sound like them, and he immediately recognizes it also because of Sho’s strange expression.

“I think you aren’t totally yourself by now,” Sho laughs.

“I’ll show you how ‘Jun-like’ I can be,” Jun returns with a smile around his lips. He pulls on Sho’s shirt till he’s only a few inches away from him. Jun loves the smell of the others shampoo, and when Sho’s hand touches his arm he can feel how familiar this is to him.

Sho’s lips on his lets his mind work like it’s going to explode. There are more memories rushing through his body. “I think I’ll be able to have back my whole memory soon,” Jun smiles against Sho’s lips.

“I hope you leave out the ones where I am not so nice,” Sho grins while he pokes Jun’s forehead playfully.

“Nah, let’s see,” Jun answers and lets himself be hugged by Sho.


End file.
